Good can come from everything.

I try to add humor to my blogs but there are some matters that just aren’t funny.  Today’s guest blogger is Kelsey Himes.  Kelsey shares the story of losing her baby at 38 weeks of pregnancy.  Kelsey’s story is sad but as you read it you’ll find a message of hope and a desire to help others…good really can come from everything.  Without further ado today’s guest blogger, Kelsey Himes.  Thanks Kelsey!

My husband and I decided to start trying to start our family what seems like forever ago. We were high school sweet hearts so as soon as we got married, started our careers, and bought our first house I could hardly wait to start trying to get pregnant!  We both are very blessed to have come from great families, have jobs we love, and a love for each other that I feel is rare these days. It never once crossed my mind that we were about to embark on what would be the most difficult and most trying days of our entire lives. After all, we are good people right?

After getting off the pill and a few months of preparing my body we quickly became pregnant. We were on cloud nine! We swore we wouldn’t tell anyone for awhile, that lasted a whole two minutes. I was beaming with sunshine! I couldn’t believe I was going to be a mom! There was nothing I wanted to be more. No job or career was ever more important to me than the job of being a mother.  Then, about a week and half later on my birthday I began to bleed. All the hopes and dreams I had for this child were gone. As quickly as it happened, it was gone. We had to explain to people what had happened. I remember crying in the middle of Wal-mart when I ran into someone who congratulated me.  This brought on a couple months of questioning about God’s plan for us. We did everything right. We are good people, why would he allow this to happen to us?

I prayed and I prayed. I prayed for healing and for the Lord to bless us with another child. I remember telling him, “If you choose to bless us with another child, I promise to teach that child about you and your wonderful ways.”

3 months after the miscarriage we were pregnant again. We were again ecstatic! I JUST KNEW that this child was sent from God and he answered our prayers. We were a little hesitant to share the news. But as time went on the pregnancy kept progressing with absolutely no problems at all. As my belly grew so did all of our hopes and dreams. We decorated the nursery, imagined what she would look like, fought over names, talked to her, felt every kick, finally picked out her name ( I won), and had 5 baby showers….yes I said 5! We couldn’t imagine life without her. My pregnancy was very normal. I literally had no problems. We both seemed very healthy.

When I was 38 weeks along (2 wks. From my due date) I suddenly didn’t feel her kicking. I quickly called my doctor and they told me to check into the hospital to make sure everything is okay. As odd as it sounds, I really wasn’t that worried. People talk about the same thing happening to them all the time and everything is fine. Besides, God wouldn’t do that to me would he? Let me carry her for 9 months and then take her away.

 The nurse put the wand over my swollen belly and 2 doctors are staring at the screen, whispering back and forth as they try to determine what is going on, I am looking at their faces trying to search for a glimpse of hope. But nothing. The poor doctor had to tell us every parent’s worst nightmare had come true. As my eyes began to fill up with tears my husband embraced me and we laid there together on the hospital bed numb and in disbelief for what seemed like eternity. This night is etched into my head forever. The sounds, the smells….everything. Even the sounds of screaming woman in labor and then hearing the babies soon after. It was heart wrenching to say the least. I cannot put into words the amount of pain we felt. The term “broken hearted” always seemed like just a phrase to me, but my heart literally hurt.

About 24 hrs. later and a rather easy and natural delivery, Anna Lynn Himes was born into the arms of Jesus on Friday February 12, 2010. Weighing 8lbs. 3 ½ oz. and 20 in. long. Surprisingly I was overwhelmed with joy. Even though the circumstances were what they were giving birth to her was one of the best days of my entire life. I am so glad we got to meet her in this life. She was perfect. She had her daddy’s red hair and my button nose. At this point the doctor’s could not determine what had happened. I do have to add since I am writing on Craig’s blog that we received EXCELLENT care from all of the doctor’s and nurses at GVMH and the clinic. They were so comforting to our situation and went completely out of their way to care for us. I truly feel I have the best doctor in the world and have great confidence in him that he did and will do everything in his power.

As we left the hospital and faced the “real world,” nothing was the same. We came home to a house full of baby stuff and all I was left with were empty arms and swollen breasts. I kept thinking to myself, “I don’t even know where to begin with God.” I thought he had answered my prayers? Why would he do this to us?

Well my friend, I still can’t answer that today. But what I do know is that God has given me strength to endure and get me through the days even if that means getting me out of bed to take a shower and brush my teeth. Some days that was all I could do. I have learned that we aren’t meant to know his reasoning, which is by design.  He is so powerful that we cannot even begin to comprehend him. We are not guaranteed anything in this world, but he does promise one thing. If we believe in him, we will one day enter into his kingdom and be saved.  I believe no matter what happens in our lives, no matter how awful it is, it is an opportunity to bring glory to him. I know my Anna is in heaven, I have no doubt about that. She is with the one who created her.  He may not have given Anna life, but he gave her eternal life and that is so much sweeter. Our time here on earth is so much shorter than the eternity we will spend with our loved ones in heaven. I hope you believe and one day get to walk in his presence.

Through my grieving process I tried to find a support group in this area and I found nothing. I thought this was a great opportunity for me to start one for grieving families who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Through the support group I would like to raise enough money to put together care packages for families in the hospital who go through something like this. In the care packages there will be information about the support group, references to books, websites, blogs, and even songs that have helped me heal, a copy of the book I Will Carry You By Angie Smith, a locket to put a piece of baby’s hair in, and what I am MOST excited about is I have talked with a local photographer and he is willing to be a part of an organization called, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. It is an organization that photographers become a part of to volunteer their time to taking professional pictures of sleeping babies in the hospital or funeral home. In the hospital and even days later you are not in any condition to be thinking of the details. Had my wonderful family and friends not thought of doing some of this stuff for me I would have never had a locket of Anna’s hair, or professional pictures of her. You only have one opportunity to do it, and I cherish them so much, as that is all we have left of Anna. I don’t have all the details to this lined out yet, these are just ideas. But it is something that I am going to do, not if. I want to heal a little more before I take on a lot of other people’s grief as well. But in time I hope to reach out to families, and hopefully I can be a voice for Anna and share the love that she has brought into our hearts that will never die.

About Craig Thompson

I am a young professional with two great sons, and I work in the healthcare setting. I am employed in hospital administration and serve as Chief Executive Officer at Golden Valley Memorial Healthcare in Clinton, Missouri. At GVMH we care for our families, friends and neighbors. We're committed to providing the safest, friendliest and most compassionate care to all we serve.
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16 Responses to Good can come from everything.

  1. Meredith Cooper says:

    Kelsey, thank you for sharing your story. As I read through this… tears streamed down my face at what you have endured. I admire your strengh and commend you on the organization you have started. Anna is a beautiful baby.

  2. Alexa Thompson says:

    Kelsey, I am so glad that you shared your story about Anna. The community will be so lucky to have the support group when you are ready. Love you
    Alexa

  3. Sharon Henehan says:

    Kelsey, Seeing you almost every day, I am so proud of you and how you have come to this day with your trust in the Lord. I have seen the struggles you have had, but have handled all with such grace. You are such an inspiration for others and I am so excited to see your dreams come true. I love you and Bryan. Thank you for being the people you are…. Sharon 😉

  4. Tammy says:

    As I sit here crying, all I can say is that I love you and Bryan. As I have said many times over the past 8 months, you are an inspiration to me. I will look forward to the day when I get to meet Anna face to face, and since I better get there before you… you know I will tell her all about her beautiful mommy and how much you love her 🙂

  5. Whitney says:

    Such an amazing inspiration and amazing girl! I pray that others can learn from her wisdom and strength!

  6. Chrissy says:

    I think what you are doing for a support group is wonderful. My sister also lost her baby in 1994 and it would of been so nice for a support group. Your faith is what keeps you strong and know that one day you will be holding your baby. I admire you! Anna was beautiful.

  7. Kayleen says:

    Kelsey,
    You and Brian are the strongest people I’ve ever met. I too suffered a miscarriage, and I wasn’t strong enough to turn to God, at first, like you did. I simply blamed myself for not being good enough to be a mother. I don’t think I would have been a strong enough woman to carry a baby for 9 months and then lose him or her. My heart aches for you and Brian every time I think about your experience. I can never forget the expression, “God never gives us more than we can handle.” I know in times of grieving that never helps a person to feel better, but I honestly believe this is just an experience God had planned out for you, and you will be perfect, WONDERFUL parents one day. Anna was a lucky little girl whom I’m sure loved hearing Mommy and Daddy’s voice everday while she was inside you. She is beautiful and touched so many people in so many ways. I think the support group idea is FANTASTIC. You may contact the birthing center in Warrensburg for information about the support group in Warrensburg. I was offered information about a support group when I had my miscarriage, and although I never attended one, I know it would have helped me and my husband through the process. The birthing center or even one of the doctor’s offices in Warrensburg may have the contact information for the group, so you can call and get information on how to initiate one in Clinton. I wish you the best with that idea! Head up young person.

  8. Marlene says:

    Kelsey,

    I’m glad you were able to turn your heartbreak into something positive. Your daughter was very precious. Other families will love the support you can provide.

  9. Mandy Westendorff says:

    Kelsey,
    You are truly an inspiration, not only to those of us who have had trouble conceiving, but to ALL couples! Your faith, strength and willingness to let God take over is both encouraging and inspiring. The support group is a fantastic idea! May God continue to bless you and Bryan!

  10. Carrie says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Life is full of answered questions but remembering to pray when times are tough is the hardest thing but the best thing you can do for yourself. God bless you and Brian!

  11. Jama says:

    Kelsey, thanks for being “you” and for sharing your story. We don’t run into each other much these days, but you and Bryan have been in my prayers. I am so proud of your strength and expecially your faith. It is so wonderful to see kids you have watched grow up become wonderful adults and such strong Christians! You have always had one of the sweetest personalities of anyone I’ve met. I know God has great plans for you! When you are ready to move forward with you support group, please let me know it there is anything I can do to help. I think this is such an awesome pursuit and would love to help out in any way. Love you, sweet girl!!

  12. Faye Wanchic Hedinger says:

    Kelsey –

    It has been a long time since I’ve seen you, but I know your news through the family grape vine and I have thought of you many times in the past year. I just wanted to comment to let you know that you, your husband, and your daughter have been and continue to be in my my thoughts. Hopefully I will make it to the reunion next year and will get to see you.

  13. Malain says:

    Kelsey,
    As I set here in tears reading your story it brings back my horrifying day and how I would have loved to have had a support group to attend to. I think it would be a wonderful thing to have in Clinton. God Bless you and Bryan!!

  14. meredith says:

    Please get in touch with Heavenly Angels in Need. They provide a lot of this free to hospitals and families, and they also need volunteers!

  15. Amy says:

    What a beautiful retelling of your journey. Thank you so much for sharing it. You and Bryan have come so far, and you have definitely been through a lot. I am so proud of you for what you are doing and know your experience will help so many others. Not only am I glad to be your neighbor, I am honored to be your friend. As always, if there is anything I can ever do for you, I’m just a phone call away. I am glad you have given this to God and are continuing to let Him light your way. As you know, we don’t always have the answers but have to trust that He does. And as Tammy said, if I beat you there to that tea party in the sky, I too will let your beautiful little girl know just how awesome her parents are!

  16. L says:

    I admire your strength Kelsey! You are very fortunate to have, not had, but have, a beautiful little girl. I have not seen you in forever, Lindsey used to babysit for me way back in the day! Reading your story and hearing what a great woman you have become is very heartwarming. You have a lot of love to give, to your husband, to your friends and someday to more children. I am sad that you had to suffer such a great loss, and I admire you for wanting to help others. NILMDTS is a great foundation. They help aid families in their healing, they bring hope to their future and help them honor their children. They will not only work with sleeping babies, but terminally ill infants and children . Their website is http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/home/. I hope everyone will visit and read some of the stories. These photographers donate their services, I am glad to hear you have a photographer that is willing to be a part of this. I had a miscarraige and I remember the feeling of just complete dispair, grief, my heart never hurt like that before. I remember people telling me that there must have been something wrong with the baby, that it was probably for the better, that God only takes the best, that nature has a way of taking care of “these things”…… It would be nice, in your reaching out to familes in grief, that you share information with their loved ones on things to say and things NOT to say! Good luck to you Kelsey, you are a very determined young lady and if anyone can accomplish this, you can.

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